2013年1月8日 星期二

Day120-恐懼皺紋/父親撥錯電話

這陣子高強度的熬夜和不規律的生活步調,我體驗到背部很僵硬與痠痛,昨天打字的時候不經意的看見我的手掌背,出了現了很多皺紋,我開始一直反覆的看這些皺紋,然後緊張的打開自己的乳液與保養液擦拭皮膚,在腦中開始建構起我滿臉皺紋/老態龍鍾的模樣,進一步的又體驗到恐懼緊張與害怕,,,希望我在老的無法自如行動以前能夠盡快穩定好自己,不需要倚靠任何人,而於是這個皺紋又使我連結起我的工作與研究的事情,緊推著自己不能鬆懈.


關於美醜的自我調查點:

-thinking and believing that your appearance defines who you are, 
-fear of being judged by how you look, 
-defining yourself as ugly based on an idea that you have created in regards to what beauty is
-thinking and believing that you are better/more if you are/live up to the idea/perception of beuty
-thinking and believing that you are less/not good enough if you perceive yourself as ugly
-fear of being judged according to your appearance
-fear of your experience in regards to being judged as ugly
-fear of not fitting into the perception of beuty
-believing in the thought "I am ugly"
-adjusting yourself according to the thought "I am ugly"


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(父親打錯電話)

昨天父親來電,他撥錯了電話,然後說抱歉就掛了.

接起以前的意念:家裡出大事了嗎?怎麼會打給我.
接起談話過程:我體驗到尷尬心疼與難過,同時因為跟父親對話而感到有些熟悉與開心
掛掉以後:我體驗到心疼與遺憾.



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