2012年12月24日 星期一

Day110--你確定嗎?(Are you SURE?!)1




這幾天從南部返回北部,經過半個多月,我幾乎完全忘記車子停在哪裡,在這個找車的過程,我持續的想到"是失竊了嗎?還是我自己忘記停哪了?"同時非常恐懼我的記憶力可能受損的想像,邊找邊察覺到我在逃避這件麻煩事,第一二天沒有找到車子時,我照樣去辦理所有我該辦的事情,誰也不講,不特別想在第一時間把車子找出來,但是過了兩三天,車子還是沒有找到,我開始透露給家人與幾個朋友知道,他們開始叮嚀我種種需要去報警備案的重要性,最後我還是去報警了。

進到警局:我的車子好像丟了.想要備案。

接續出來三個員警,都面帶質疑的笑著回應:你確定嗎!?我們這裡已經兩年多沒有人丟過車子,幾乎都是自己忘記自己停哪裡的。

(我心裡面並不確定,但是我並沒有回應任何的微笑,而是面無表情的說著我找過的地方與經過的天數,車子上鎖的狀態與可供了解的資訊,過不久他們開始幫我找車子,我在此時閃過一個意念:如果我也對自己的狀態表現出質疑與不信任,別人就更不會信任了,因此不要笑,認真的說"。)



這時候我很仔細的察覺到右胸部纖維囊腫的地方抽痛了,然後我注意到這個身體反應是很真實的,因為即便我表面看起來鎮定與嚴肅有條不紊的陳述著,但我內在是有情緒被我壓抑與忽略而直接的帶動身體反應出來的.


右胸部纖維囊腫的點代表著:


 the chest point containes the family system - so in general that implies the beliefs that you hold onto in relation to what your parents/adults have learned you, especially when they teach you and you learn the difference between what is ‘right' and what is ‘wrong' and what is ‘good' and what is ‘bad'. Also morality and Polarity is what consciousness systems thrive on, because it causes fear and resistance within beings: Making such systems part of your world, of what is acceptable and approved by society, makes you so much more the controlled slave of consciousness. So, maby have a look at fear of what is wrong/bad in relation to what you have been taught. also to realize that it is nobody's 'fault' per se, because your parents have simply taught what they have been taught - so to thus walk out of the definitions of good and bad/right and wrong and look at what is practically best for you and best for all

It would indicate suppressed emotions within you regarding the relationship you have with your parents– locked into the CHEST point of the Family System: I suggest you jump right into the forgiveness process and release such suppressions through forgiveness.



因此,當警察問我:"你確定嗎?!"

我真正想要說的是什麼?"我事實上想表達: 我並不確定,但是請協助我,即便有可能是我忘記了。"

(此時我覺察到,我所表現出來的"穩定與信任"並非真正與我等同如一的,因為當我不能信任我體驗到的感受,而是選擇壓抑我的感受,進一步喬裝出自我信任的模樣時,這個過程我在為我自己創造著自我分離,恰恰是最不自我信任的狀態.)

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當警察問及:你確定嗎!???



我體驗到-----緊張...如果我說出我不確定,那就是我在浪費別人的時間與精力,,,

但找了好多天了,,,/無助/過錯/虧欠/麻煩他人/


如果我搞錯了,,,,,,就不值得被信任/被責怪/怒罵/他人對我感到無奈/搖頭嘆氣/對我不抱希望/對我死心/遺棄/排斥/徹底放棄我...


.這些緊連著過往的成長記憶中的自我定義在警察接續問著"你確定嗎?!"的片刻都快速的連結起來制約著我的行為表現.




















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